Little bit me

You know….., if God give me this time and opportunity to get to know you, I am very thankful. It’s was 2 weeks of magic moment, and this 3 months of happiness. There are always happy things, if it’s related to you. Smile seems never go away from my face.

It’s a HOPE, a hope of having someone to be love and being love in return. Especially someone like you, who I felt somehow very comfortable to be with as if I know you for long long time ago. The warm feeling that I have if I am talking to you, or just to see you. You so called my vitamin, Vitamin I…….

But somehow, I lied with my self. That’s the hope is never there. Even from the first time you say “Hi”. I already know. But I create a hope. I put my own expectation that someday there will be you and me. And put a lot of effort, any kind of way, to make an opportunity to chat with you, make up stories to be closed to you, even to waste my time for nothing. Wait for midnight to come, just to be with you for only 5 minutes ride. It’s only for couple of sentences, and a moment to see your face. I try hard to mingle with people who I barely know just because they are your friends. When I saw that a green bullet of your name appears, I can’t help it not to say hello to you. I blow news through your friends, so you know that I was sick. I said hyperbolic things about me just to get your response, something that I want to hear. I make jokes; make my self fool and funny, to make you interested to me. And talk a lot about my personal life so you can trust me to tell yours.

So then I have your trust, to tell me the truth, the mystery of your relationship with those girls. I can not lie anymore. The only truth that I don’t wanna hear finally comes out.

                        ***

                              ……………………….

I said                      are the love is still there?  With your ex girlfriend?

He said                  mmm… yes still, that’s why now we’re closed again.

                        ……………….

                        ***

Well, what can I say? I will fight for you if you just only close with her that you called “a gud3x friend of mine”. I have my confident. But I don’t have any strength to fight for the love that you already gave someone for almost a decade. Who am I anyway? I don’t even know how to love someone even for a day.

Now, I try to tell my self to stop. “Stop trying…..Girl! It won’t end up anywhere. The longest you know him the more you’re going to hurt. Stop now, before it’s too late. Before you already spend your time, waste your concentration and emotion. You’d better save your energy for the only thing you have, your job. You already knew the answer anyway. You’re just a stranger who becomes friend!”.

“Yes , I know”

Even though I felt a lot of sign for the first time we chat, dreaming about you which then become reality, and the feeling that I know we can not lie, we like each other.

But then again you’ve made your decision; it’s time I made mine. And I know the hardest part to let you go is fighting my will to chat with you……, to see you……., to hear you…….. Let it be my own misery.

It’s the end of your short journey through my life path. Let me say goodbye even if you don’t know what the real meaning is. It won’t be easy for me, coz I can not be your best friends if the hope to have your love still there. So good bye dear, you are the most beautiful thing that the force of momentum gave me.

******

…………

I said                      hey

He said                  yes

I said                      I was thinking….

He said                  what?

I said                      If I am leaving

He said                  yah

I said                      one thing that I will miss from this place

He said                  ya?

I said                      is chatting with u

He said                  waaah… senangnyaaaaa

He said                  me too

……………..

I said                      So, goodbye in advance ya

I said                      sorry if I say bad things sometimes

I said                      sayin you’re old.

I said                      hi hi hi

He said                  ahahaha

……………..

I said                      ya basically people have their own time for other people

I said                      some long, some short

He said                  iya

I said                      yeah we’re going to forget each other anyway

He said                  No, I won’t

He said                 You are the one and only a stranger in my life who knows my true story

He said                  but now u’re not a stranger anymore

He said                  u’re a good friend of mine

……………..

I said                      eh once again ya

I said                      in advance

He said                  what?

I said                      Good bye,

I said                      It’s very nice to know you

I said                      Thanks for everything

He said                  i’m gonna miss you girl, nice to know you too

……………

I said                      hey,

I said                      those goodbye also for……mmm

He said                  yah

I said                      If there is something happen to me

I said                      not only leaving

I said                      ok

He said                  same, if that is also happen to me… sorry for everything, n its a gift to know you……

******

I never heard this song Cinta from Vina Panduwinata as sad as this moment………

I wrote this story on my aunt coach, March 2, 2007.